And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize