I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
