I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
NoShamevember. You game?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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