God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
