we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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