My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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