So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
