Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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