if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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