great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
