i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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