You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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