I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
