For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
