Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
