at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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