Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just gift wrapped bread.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
