You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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