that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize