I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
