remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
