I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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