ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize