You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
