can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
