I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
