just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
