So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
