Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
