He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
