Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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