i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
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