it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
