I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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