I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
