I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
