once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
