I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
