Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
