I'm jealous of your bromance
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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