I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
