No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
