I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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