I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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