Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
