This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
