On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm too high and old for this...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
