Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
is that a dick in a sweater?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
