life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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