Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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