Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize