By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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