after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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