You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
