Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
