Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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