people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
