I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
