Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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