Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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