I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
