Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
