It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
