CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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