i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
