I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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