Betty ford says i'm here all night
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
