peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
