I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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