I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
