I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
