Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize