I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
