I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
